Nathanael Ben David

Richard Wagner, The Muse, G-d, and why do we make so much crap?

2011-10-09T23:59:00.004-04:00

While spending hours working on our floors, I pondered art. I'm no artist, but any time I have created something, the best seemed a discovery, not a creation. I have heard far better say equal.

But in the great span of human creation, the truly great, moving art (music etc) was not penned or painted by Christians. Why is this? I recently started listening to a lot a Wagner and have fallen for it. It's terribly moving, heavenly even...but he was not a good man. Racist, antisemitic. This is common...the great artists were generally troubled people.

Not only are Christians not represented in the halls of art, we generally put out the crappiest stuff there is. Why?

Would we, if living good christian lives, become to ourselves gods both creating and doing godly things?

Is G-d saying something to us in this distribution of insight?

We are fallen all. I suspect something along the lines of Babel here.

I guess I'm ok with feeling transported and drawn towards God through the creation of a depraved human being.

Seriously, the Ring Cycle is amazing.

Color from gray.

2010-10-20T10:15:00.004-04:00

I was a bit startled by these color photographs from the Great Depression, they made that era feel not so far away. I would like to see color photographs from ancient times. Time.... so strange.

http://passportstation.blogspot.com/2010/10/farm-security-administration.html

For my reward is giving glory to you.

2010-07-02T19:42:00.004-04:00

If I am still enough. I can feel my bare feet sinking into the warm concrete. If I am still enough, I can just begin to drift seawards. The great sea, the source of all discontent, pulls at me, when the purpose driven ants and other insectoids slip in through the cracks in my skin. It is where the skin meets the nail, that they make their way in. Crawling up my leg and into my knees. I had almost reached the sea when the knowledge of good and evil had too much to drink and got obnoxious. Naivety was trying to tell an old mariners tale, and the knowledge of good and evil became too loud. Much too loud. Tomorrow we will all wake up with a humid headache.

I suppose it is some place right between those pesky ants and the sea that the Lord is always speaking.

The Ancient and You.

2010-04-10T19:11:00.004-04:00

It is mid April now, and where are we? We are slowly progressing in our being moved in. I have never felt moved in before...I am not actually sure if I am supposed to. It does make me irritable to not be moved in though, just ask Emily.

If any body where curious as to how I am doing, I would tell them, I am doing very well. That is to say, I am overwhelming blessed, and yet discontent. My wife and children warm my heart to no end, and I know I am not deserving of this. Yet as always, I long so much for more of G-d. We are more spiritually alone here than ever before, at least that is how I feel. I certainly do not despair for a lack of G-d, in fact, I feel necessarily close to Him. It is just that I want to be caught up in His movement and I just don't feel that, or see that very much.

Lord, let me walk in your shame and glory. Let me burn with your humility and let me be a servant to all.

Friendly Arctic Press

2010-02-27T16:45:00.002-05:00

Lent

2010-02-18T07:51:00.003-05:00

I have never really done anything. For the next forty days, I am going to get ride of one item of mine every day.

Church.

2010-02-15T19:00:00.003-05:00

I have never had to "church hunt" before. Friends and family have always been my guide into the spiritual family. But here, where friends and family have we none, church hunting was...depressing. I dreaded the notion. Growing up, I had been around for various church hunting expeditions. From my point of view, which ever church gave the best goody bag filled with pens and tracks was best.

The object of finding a "good" church was further complicated by my work schedule, having Fridays and Saturdays off, working on Sunday.

Well, this past Saturday, we took the plunge (I admit, although I brought it up, I was very tempted to "not feel like it")

Here is my analysis...

1. The Church was huge, they had their very own sign...and traffic instructions for the parking lot: -50 points.
2. When we walked in, the greeters smiled at us, but did not try to give us anything or engage in conversation: +15 points
3. They had a book store/coffee shop in the lobby, along with an electronic ATM looking thing for giving the church money: +10/-35 points
4. Eisley was playing throughout the church: +59 points
5. Most people there looked to be middle age-well off: -39 points
6. The preacher was not as self-deprecating and sarcastic as I would like: -40 points
7. They had a votive candle prayer table: +60 points
8. I saw a man cross himself during communion: +35 points
9. They let us take our child without DNA scanning us: -20 points
10. They played a movie with a girl doing a poetry/rap thing about poverty etc which made me cry: +30 points

TOTAL: +25 Points

I guess we will go back.

The Friendly Arctic

2010-01-05T16:13:00.010-05:00

I worked at a factory in Cleveland Tennessee. Worked long shifts and lived by myself in an absurdly cheap minimalist apartment. Granted, the minimalism came not just from sensibility, but partly from necessity as well. The one room apartment was right in front of a rail way line, and the griping shake that this caused gave me reason to speculate on the possibility of whether or not I could, if necessary, run right through my walls.

I don't remember why, probably welling up from a well bred romantic wander-lust, but I found myself in the local library looking for books on Arctic explorers. On the shelves of a southern library who's local patrons were more concerned with comparing the new Wal-Mart to the old, and finding movies staring Brendan Fraser, I found an old yet strong looking blue bound book titled The Friendly Arctic.

I took the book back to my home, crossed over the railroad tracks, climbed the step hill, sat down in the grass, and began to read. The Friendly Arctic. Filled with the tales of true exploration, beautiful pull out maps, and a healthy supply of bearded men, the Friendly Arctic was a gift from G-d to a heart that had no business hoping for beauty. The Friendly arctic excitedly argued that, while most considered the arctic a cold dead land, it was actually full of vibrant life and beauty. I leave it at that.

When my brothers and I were discussing starting something the might have resembled a record label, we threw around names...The particle factory, trade wind controls, The Friendly Arctic. The name grew and visions have emerged, grown, adapted, changed. To me, whatever the application, The Friendly Arctic has meant finding, and sharing the beauty that lays within much that seems cold and dead. It is a tremendous blessing to know, that while I currently can not fulfill many of the dreams that have been attached to the name, my brother and sister are still using it.

Why am I sharing all of this? This Christmas I was blessed with some money as a gift. Emily inspired me to look at finding a copy of this book ( I still had secret plans to one day return to Cleveland and permanently check out their copy.) I found, for a reasonable price, an autographed and inscribed first edition copy in excellent condition.

The inscription reads:

To Mima J. Weaver:

Katharine and I started out to get a (salt?) collar for you in a jewlary store, but the designs did not suit, so she concluded you would like an autographed book of mine better. I hope she guessed right.

Vilhjalmur Stefansson

Dayton
October 26, 1922

Happy What-a-days?!

2009-12-23T17:54:00.003-05:00

Greetings, seasonal of course. It has been a while since I've been a tad on the preachy side (for whom is thar to preachen to?)

My Christmas spirit is still pretty high, despite being flogged repeatedly by sassy assaults from camp Christmas and camp devil. We all, I am sure, are aware of the sinister plot by mr. devil to usurp the Christ himself from this time of year. Honestly, I don't think Christ would mind very much, given the holidays origins...but that is something completely different. Lets just say, that 2,010 years ago Jesus was born on a blustery day in Bethlehem, on the twenty fifth of December. Now, it is certainly a sacred holiday worth keeping, if you believe in Jesus and G-d and all that. Tell me this, if the point of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our Lord, does it really matter if popular culture does not cheerfully ride along, since they, generally, don't on any other points Christian. I actually find it offensive that Christians get so upset about "taking the Christ out of Christmas."

Now to the general spirit of it all. I love Christmas. I love the winter, I love the warmth necessary. I love the traditions surrounding Christmas, the lights, the trees, the decorations, the warm beverages and delicious baked goods, the demand for family time and general friendliness. It's good for us. And I do personally love sacred holidays which present the scheduled opportunity to slow down and reflect.

I wish that Christians would spend more time practicing these traditions, that is, generally being Christian, and less time sporting smug 'n sassy vigilante bumper stickers... I am pretty sure that Hillary Clinton, George Bush,Santa Clause, and Jesus have an appointment to share a glass of eggnog, lets join them shall we?

Ache in the wondering-want heart.

2009-11-23T18:44:00.003-05:00

In 1909, Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton, of Endurance fame, left two cases of Scotch under the floor boards of one of his base camp shacks.

In 2006 these cases were discovered, frozen solid into the the ice and snow.

Currently, the company who originally crafted the Scotch is trying to get rights to retrieve several of the bottles, take samples, and recreate the Scotch that never got to keep Shackleton and his men in good (if not ill placed) cheer. How wonderful is this?

Moon Bean

2009-11-12T06:08:00.001-05:00

Hello.

Please, watch this movie.

2009-08-29T10:11:00.006-04:00

Hi. There are a few things in life that bring great joy. My family. The Sea. The splendor of G-d's Earth.

And above all, the spirit of G-d apparent. Mewithoutyou has been a special evidence of this in my life...and their latest music video proves more of the same...it makes me want to hug all of the people in my life that I love.

Terrible Dullary or just the bogg of time...

2009-08-18T11:13:00.002-04:00

Hello. I (quite apart from my siblings) have nothing interesting to report. Perhaps it is the never ending onslaught of days that has dulled my ability to cut out moments from the day that seem interesting. Or perhaps nothing at all interesting is happening to me. That is all.

Oh, East, I thought you said WEEST

2009-08-13T11:21:00.003-04:00

Almost one month left, and then off to the Eastern Coast. What a crazy life this is.

Are Children important?

2009-08-10T11:15:00.003-04:00

Letter from Ivy.

2009-08-09T05:08:00.002-04:00

Ivy dictated a letter that I got in the mail the other day.

Dear Daddy,
I love you. I want to kiss you all over. Dear Daddy. Thank you. Oh Daddy, I wish I could see you all the time. Love Daddy. I wish I could snuggle you all day long. I wish I could kiss you all day. Love Daddy. And now I want to snuggle with you and mommy and Ari and Emily and mommy. I wish I could live on the same Earth. I wish I could live on the same planet. I wish I could live on the same city. I wish I could be an adult with, because that is what you are. When am I going to see you? When will I... Where are you? I wish something could make you come to me. What is wrong with you? I wish I could march with you all day. I want to give you everything that is beautiful. Love Daddy. I love you. Ari Michael is my little brother. Who lives in South Carolina? At camp I went to class and learned ...

'My God is so Big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do. The mountains are His, the valleys are His, The stars are His handy work too.'

Dear Jesus, I wish I could see daddy. Can I please live with him, can you make me a mermaid with him? Dear Jesus, Amen. Love, Ivy.

So the slow....

2009-07-16T10:42:00.003-04:00

Yesterday it was 108. Pruff.

And I think to myself...what a wonderful world!

2009-07-10T11:13:00.003-04:00

Perhaps it is because I've been away from my family for six months...but I weep easy these days. I was just looking over some old pictures of our family and did the afore mentioned.

When I see my children, and how they grow, I weep at G-d's crazy grace.
When I smell the summer heat, I've learned to settle down thank Him for life.
When I notice the birds (they ever faithful)I weep for joy at the expanse of His Earth.
When I look at my wife I know in the closest way His Great Faithfulness.

I'm just a little cell, but what an honor I have to be able take part in the great stream of life.

Attention: The future is here now.

2009-07-03T05:29:00.003-04:00

Does anybody remember a really sweet (at least it was really sweet when I was 14) movie called The Net? Well, it's about how technology, more speciffically, the interNET is so intertwined that somebodies (Saundra Bullock's) identity could be entirely erased....or something. Anyway, in the begining of the movie it shows the heroine ordering a pizza on the internet.

Ah-hem.

Emily and I order TWO pizzas on the internet last night. It was amazing. As soon as I sent it in, it told me that some girl named Casandra had started hand tossing our pizza.

So, in case you were wondering when it would get here, Emily and I just ushered in the future.

In reference to the previous...

2009-07-02T12:38:00.003-04:00

Thank you for the encouragments. Im glad that I am real.

When I was young, I used to be terrified that I was a robot from space, and that some preset date, I would "switch over" from being Nathanael Ben David to killer robot boy from space and...yes...slay my family. Eh-hem...as severely disturbing as this probably is...I think it was from watching Star Trek so much...

Don't worry mom and dad, even though my young brain was tormented by this paranoia...I think the "benefits" watching star trek as a young child has given me far outweighs the "issues"

And that preset date is far expired so nobody needs to worry.

Boy, I'm glad I turned out real, even if its depressing sometimes.

A bit of moody.

2009-06-29T12:35:00.002-04:00

Have I mentioned before that I probably have a "seasonal mood structure"? I think it MIGHT run in the family...but there it is... with a cyclical precision that I have yet to chart, I get...moody.

The last couple of days have been such. I think I might be justified in feeling this way a little bit. It has been 6 months since I lived with my family, and 2.5 to go. I woke up alone last night and stared at my uniforms in my closet, at the rank insignia on my sleeves, wondering what I was doing so far away from my beloved family. It's obvious on a logical (yet bizarrely illogical) level what I am doing, taking care of my family the best way I know how. This time is almost over, but that doesn't change the mood.

I just plain miss my family. I get to see Emily for nice four day weekend this weekend. But even this strikes me as somewhat insane...how much effort (baby sitters, plane tickets, hotels, waivers for staying out of my dorm etc etc) it takes just to see my own wife for a couple of days. It can just be very...strange. I sometimes start to get sick to my stomach like I'm stuck in a terrible dream.

And the happy ending. I'm not "in the depths of despair" for certain, that would be just plain pagan of me...

For crying out loud, try your best not to take love and comfort for granted.

Daily

2009-06-28T09:22:00.003-04:00

Its a good morning. I have been without a room mate for a week now...it's been a blessing not having a stinky-rap music lovin-messyface person living with me...I suppose there is no way to make it the next few months this way...but its been nice.

Last night I finally rigged a blanket to cover the entire window making my room a virtual-night in the middle of day...because that's when I am supposed to sleep...in the middle of the day.

I was able to write a couple letters I've been putting off. Of course, there a few more that I might be able to write...if a certain sister, who is younger than me, and with child, would resume her writing to her poor/cut-off brother.

And, so far, as I said, it's a nice day...getting hot, but with a steady breeze. Please G-d, poor your blessings on my air conditioner and give it "extra cooling power"...in your Wisdom of course. Amen.

Thrill us.

2009-06-26T09:48:00.004-04:00

Michael Jackson died.

CNN and FOX news have been blasting this to the exclusion of all other news. As if nothing else in the world was happening, or everything that is usually reported was just filling time until something important happened...like the death of the King of Pop. Never mine the revolution in Iran, or the pending war with youngest-brat-child North Korea.

At first I was disgusted at the amount of emotion Michael Jackson death was causing people who didn't even know him. But then I remembered that I was saddened (granted, not to tears) by the death of Paul Newman. I tried to justify it, "Paul Newman stood for something, he was a Man." But that's an equal argument to any that could be offered up for reasons why the death of Mr. Jackson should cause such a commotion.

So are we that sad that somebody died? Not really, you see, Michael Jackson died, but so did 25,000 (source: UN World Food Programme) people from hunger alone. That happens everyday, and we don't feel sad everyday. So it can't be we are sad that somebody died, maybe we just are sad that we don't have the comfort of knowing that, if we wanted, we can wonder what exactly Michael Jackson is doing...right now!

I think it's actually part of the discovery that something is not right. Death of loved ones is crushing, but we all know it's coming. Death of stars and world leaders is unerving, everyone dies...and we don't like that. And we are right not to like it...nobody is supposed to die. That's not the way it was supposed to happen. But we like comfort, and it's comforting to have celebrities, perhaps, it is also comforting to get upset when they die.

Michael Jackson died.
So did 25,000 mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters.

Oh yeh, and Farrah Fawcett did too.

Curiousi

2009-06-19T10:12:00.005-04:00

Well, here is the deal. Mid-September I will be done with Tech School and moving to Charleston SC to work on a large transport/carrier called the C-17 Globemaster III.

What do I mean "work on"? I will be troubleshooting and replacing communication and navigation systems. I am still enjoying the whole experience, and find it strange to be learning something that I am actually going to use...it's a good feeling.

It will be nice to live on the ocean, and within a few hours of my parents. There is one Whole Foods there so that's a start at least. I am very excited to be done with this portion of my training and get to live at home with my family for the first time in 8 months.

All I can say is, It's a wonderful Life.

The small way

2009-06-05T10:04:00.002-04:00

I am nearer. Nearer, that is, to being a fool. It's a struggle I have always had. But these past few months have given me a kind of strength, and while the natural way (old way) drifts towards a selfish-glory strength, the spirit calls me to a humble-servant strength.

I'm still not sure where the great divide from thought to deed came from. Much of my life has been spent in recoil to the "Christian way." That is, I have taken some effort, at various times, to not "appear 'Christian'" Whatever that means. Even to the point of being ashamed of the physical presence of the Bible. I didn't like "easy indicators" of religion, things that people could look at and identify me as a "Christian."

"They should know the Love of G-d through my life." Said I.

I'm thinking, for me, that was mostly the deception of the devil.

So I am quite close to being a fool for me Lord. I think it is necessary for me to stand out in the faith, for it is too easy to hide everything away. I am certainly not speaking of being obnoxious, but I am speaking of not worrying if I am obnoxious or not. G-d has made for me a beautiful life of joy, and He calls me. I really want to answer.

My beautiful Wife.

2009-05-30T06:59:00.002-04:00

Emily is here in sunny Texas. Yesterday we went to see X-men Origins where wolverine made me very jealous as a mighty strong lumberjack.

Unfortunately she has come down with a bit of a cold, but we are still having a nice time together.

Of recent.

2009-05-24T13:50:00.002-04:00

Here I am on the last leg of tech training. About 4 more months. Hopefully within the next 2 weeks I will receive my orders to our station, wherever that might be. My school schedule is a wonderful midnight shift...which means I wake up about 9:30pm, get showered, eat, got to school, and get back to my dorm about 9am the next day. So far it hasn't been so bad. The biggest problem is that this means it is not very practical to have Emily and the kids move out here as I would hardly get to see them.

I would appreciate book recommendations as this is basically the only thing I can do in the middle of the night on the weekends while I'm not in school.

All Peace

2009-04-17T17:12:00.002-04:00

Emily and Ivy are taking a nap, Ari is wandering around the house alternating between Captian-Hooking everything in site, and slowly bouncing off the walls with blanket over his head.

And I am drinking fresh brewed coffee. How is life? Good.

Pre Air Show

2009-04-05T09:27:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to be volen-told to work at the Air Show. Basically I had a 12 hour shift directing traffic. The first part they drove myself and one oher guy several blocks off base, dropped us off and said, "keep people from parking on this street, and tell them where to park." Without telling US where they were supposed to park, they drove away. After a while we got things sortd out and the rest of the time was spent telling people they could not park here, which rarely made anybody happy. Aside from the constant stream of grumpy folks, and the occasional sneer from hippies, it wasnt so bad. One young boy came up to me and said "when I grow up I am going to be a soldier!"

Which instantly made me start tearing up. I think part of it was that it's a strange exprience to be looked up to like that. It also struck me as a somewhat depressing thought. But at the same time, in some way, at some point, I think that is the dream of most young boys. I think that violent ember is a beautiful thing. It should be encouraged as an element, and directed towards purpose (not specifically physical violence, but rather, a violent momentum.)

Anyway. Taking the kids to the airshow today. Perhaps some pictures are in order.

Yet more military....

2009-04-03T20:41:00.003-04:00

I was able to go out with Emily for a little while today for coffee while Amy watched over the children. In my current phase at tech school if I go off base I have to wear my service dress uniform. This presents me with a rather humbling/awkward situation. When you are in uniform everybody notices. And I notice them notice. It is not that everybody tries to show they notice, but it is easy to see their internal reactions to the sight of a military uniform. Some feel proud, some feel guilty, some feel jealous, some feel superior, some feel pity. Above all of this, some actually approach me and offer a hand shake and some sort of "thank you for your service" remark. In fact, I have yet to go out in public in uniform and not get thank several times.

If people are not randomly coming up to you and thanking you for something, there is no way for you to really get what this might feel like. I have yet to really get a handle on how I even feel about this whole dynamic, as I am still working through and learning how to feel patriotic myself. But I can say that it is incredibly humbling as well as a source for a strange and awkward strength and pride.

This is learning.

What world is that?

2009-03-22T19:33:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I am done with a week of in processing and start my electronics courses... I am very excited to learn specifics...

An interesting military story that won't mean mch to anybody that is or has not been in the military.

Yesterday I took a walk with Emily and the kids around base. Tech school is divided up into phases, each phase removing restrictions from the previous phases...As I just started I am in phase 1. One of the restrictions is that I cannot ride in cars. So we walked to the marina which .a very long walk indeed. As we started back from the marina a car slowed down and asked if we wanted a ride. Being the good little airman that I am, trying to remember all the rules, informed the gentleman that I could not ride in the car but that I would appreciate him giving a ride to my family. He said "you can ride with me" and proceeded to pull a u-turn in the middle of the road. He pulled to stop and said "climb in" I said, I'm in tech school sir and am not allowed to ride in cars yet" He said, "I am the vice wing commander and I say you can ride in my car." I am so taken aback that I completely forget to salute and offer simply "thank you very much sir." We pile Emily and Ari in the front seat, myself and Ivy in the back seat next to his daughter of about 7-8 and what later turns out to be the daughter on my squadron commander. He was very nice and never addressed my complete lack of what is known as "military bearing". He promised that he wouldn't tell my commander that I broke the rules.

KAFB

2009-03-20T15:59:00.003-04:00

I am now at Tech School. What a far cry from basic training...I live in what is basically a two bed hotel room, which is absurd compared to my previous 50 bed living arangement. Emily should be ariving today with the kids. I don't have anymore time for you...so bye.

8.5 Weeks, Or: How beautiful is the Love of G-d

2009-03-15T11:56:00.002-04:00

Basic training is over, and I have yet to fully get a hold of that fact. Tonight I leave for Tech School for about 6 months. I am somewhat dazed by the transition from the past two months to a slightly more "normal-real-life." I am overwhelmed by how much the Lord has given to me. An incredible group of friends who helped make this easier for my family. An even more incredible family who extended themselves to provide a place for my family to stay while I was away, and who certainly poured out spiritual support as well. Life is Beautiful.

And my final thoughts are....

2009-01-12T00:05:00.001-05:00

What the.

Blur

2009-01-06T10:36:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Hadssah and Andy came to pick up the children. They are taking them this last week so that Emily and I are able to finish packing in peace and hopefully have a little time to hang out.

This morning I awoke. It was raining. So I took an abbreviated jog.

The children have gone, and it's still raining, and I am drinking chamomile tea.

And I have hope.

Thanks for that.

Today we need to make certified copies of all our crucial records to hand over to Uncle/Big Brother Sam.

Thanks Hadassah and Andy, and others, that are helping with the kids.

Getting un-ready.

2009-01-04T21:50:00.002-05:00

So I have one week left and then off to basic training...I figure I will chronicle this last week a little bit since I never really do that anymore. I actually find the concept of blogging more of a personal project for me as it is always inspiring, amusing, and challenging to look back at things I have said etc.

Everything is crazy.

I feel much as in a dream...the temptation to dive into the nutsiness is thwarted by the fear of puking. I think I am pretty excited but also nervous. I have no idea what I am nervous about.

And that, is a lie.

I am a dreamer. A thinker. An idea maker. A lazy critic.

Here, in one week, I will be doing. All ideas are naught, and action will be my breath. I am terrified mostly out of habit. Not doing much creates a lot of fear of doing something. I am two. My dysfunctional body, and my detached self. My body is nervous, I will mess up and I will shake (I shake even now) and I will blush and I might puke. I will slur my words, and they will sound, as they do these days, as if they are an effort, and I don't want them heard. I will quake and my mind will be blank...my body mind, not my self mind.

My self mind will be standing aside, above...watching. Critic. You silly man, like all the rest, afraid. You silly little uncontrolled man.

I love. And what I will do is for love. I will be shattered, and hooray for that. I will be able to move better for love.

I have given up control. I am most afraid that I will forget that I have not given that control over to just the Government, but to my G-d also. My lovely Lord. Oh God! Please be my. Please be. With me. I don't want to forget you. I want to remember you better.

I will forget. And what rushing terror of love will be the time I remember again. I am a little child. I grow to nothing. The beauty only springs. The stories I have cried grow into your picture. I will be alone but for you. Let me not take the easy way and disappear. Remind me. Make me humble. Make me ready. The way is as important as the goal. Make me remember. Protect my family.

Protect my love.

I love. Silly little love. Great everything love. Blind me.

The Victory of Reverend Walter.

2008-12-17T13:26:00.003-05:00

Quality Abounds

2008-12-01T21:07:00.004-05:00

I suppose it is what I do. Make a plan, and compile the evidence as to why it is a good one. But...I can't wait to be rid of Cleveland Tennessee. Coming back from thanksgiving in Ohio, it occurred to me as we arrived back home how fat and stupid mostly everybody looks around here.

This observation was not helped by my trip tonight to the library. I, for some reason, started feeling all fancy and wanted to get a CD of Tchaikovsky. Alas, the Cleveland Public Library only had two CD's, both of which were different editions of "selections from the Nutcracker."

Of course, if I had been in the mood to sample any of Gary Chapman's 11 timeless works, I would have been in glorious luck.

No. 2 Research Paper ends.

2008-11-25T18:34:00.000-05:00

One research paper down.

2008-11-24T22:36:00.000-05:00

Coffee

2008-11-16T09:36:00.001-05:00

And to offset yesterday's guilt trip.

Le café
by pheneu_et_meleu

No, I didn't join a french club.

Stop the Pain Duration

2008-11-15T16:17:00.001-05:00

Translation for the end: "For some of us, pain never stops. You can stop it." From the french NGO Pain Without Borders

Ooooihhhh

2008-11-10T17:49:00.005-05:00

Now. I, in general, despise branding. But that's not true, I love the idea of branding, I just don't like how easy it is for some people. So, I find anything that everybody is into because of it's "name" a major pain to my soul. Like why can't little girls just have an effing doll house? Oh, they can't because they need it to be High School Musical 3 themed. Or they wouldn't know what to make the dolls say or do. *cough*

However, there is one major exception (and probably millions of minor ones).

I don't know what it is, but these guys actually make me feel happy. I used to be all against them and for the local coffee shop! And still...I'll vote for the local...but I can't fight it any more. Well done Starbucks.

Ron Paul got 19,852 votes.

2008-11-07T22:50:00.002-05:00

The guy who I voted for, who ACTUALLY ran, got 180,336.

And Obama won.

I've got to say that I am actually kind of excited by this. I am pretty sure his face isn't going to melt off to reveal a face full of grin-teethe.

It's exciting (not too exciting mind you) for many reasons. We will have a "black(ish)" President. He is young. He is sharp. He has a name like a terrorist(s). While he didn't completely blow John McCain out of the water, he did earn the energy of most of the "younger" generation.

Now a lot of older people seem to find this worrisome. I don't think it's really going to be a big deal. So there.

What's most interesting to me is that I will be shipping off to Basic Training January 13, and I believe Obama will be the official President the last week or so of January. He get's at least four years. I get at least four years. It will be interesting to get to know him from the stand point of serving in the military.

That's about it.

Welcome to the...

2008-11-05T09:16:00.004-05:00

All Hail the Supreme Overseer Barack Hussein Obama!!!!

Hear 'O steady and shaky hands.

2008-10-30T12:45:00.004-04:00

Someday we will sail away. Not just away. We will sail There. It's no easy task.

And sometimes we faithless yell. "Captain, awake! We are drowning and You sleep!"

Ought we not follow in His way? To lay down beside the Master and rest a while in peace, tho the world wash away.

Lord, Wash it all Away.

Dendratical Guilt

2008-10-21T20:44:00.001-04:00

There is something AMAZING about having a clean inbox!

It's getting personal.

2008-10-14T10:33:00.003-04:00

Yesterday a man pulled his pickup truck over in front of our house. He got out grinning but not really looking at me as he walked up a little too confidently for my comfort. "Nuts, the shotguns in my closet" I thought to myself.

Man: "Nice warm fall day we are having"
Me: "Yes, it is beautiful?"
Man: "say, I was just wondering if you mind if I put one my John Mccain signs in your yard?"
Me:"Yes I do...mind"
Man: "Well, that's alright, so long as you vote for him" *inspiring chuckle*
Me: "well, I am not too sure who I am voting for at this point."
Man: "Now let me tell you...well...do you know what a socialist is?" *ominous look*
Me: "Yes I do." *confidently*
Man: *starts to walk away* "Well you just think about that now. Think it over good."
Me: "Yes, thank you."
*Man turns and leaves*

I wasn't quite honest, because at that time I was pretty sure who I was voting for. But Mr. you pulled the wrong trigger when you tried to use "socialism" as a point, presumably meant to be a negative one.

I am pretty sure that I am voting for Chuck Baldwin.

a quiet little faith.

2008-10-07T17:19:00.001-04:00

"How vigilant we are! Determined not to live by faith if we can avoid it; all the day long on the alert, at night we unwillingly say our prayers and commit ourselves to uncertainties. So thoroughly and sincerely are we compelled to live, reverencing our life, and denying the possibility of change..." -Henry David Thoreau

"How priceless is your love, O God! your people take refuge under the shadow of your wings. They fest upon the abundance of your house; you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the well of life, and in your light we see light." -Psalm 36:7-9

Show us your light Lord, your simple, devastating light. Let us abide your arms, your wings.

The pathetic state of politics.

2008-09-30T13:53:00.003-04:00

Friends, family, &c.

I'm sure, if you have had your ear to the media...your are aware of the sad state our Great Nation has arrived at. The galactic Poo Slinging is not something to be proud of, contrary to what some would have you believe.

I think we owe those that are courageous enough to present their eloquent minds and ideas to the American People in hopes that we will hand them the reigns...so to...speak.

I would like you to take a moment and consider the hearts and minds of our candidates and come to a conclusion(!) on who you wish to take over.

As you also may know, I joined the air force, and so...the idea of not having to consider right and wrong...and to rest in the comforting (if not slightly beepy) embrace of the Hive mind is alright.

Of course, the back-stabbing uber-strange warrior kind may find the other race a decent career ladder.

Lest we forget how truly fortunate we are...

We might have gotten stuck with this.....

Resitance is Futile...

2008-09-27T20:31:00.002-04:00

The secret meanings of dreams.

2008-09-20T10:57:00.002-04:00

I often have dreams where I'm in a bit of trouble, and the solution is a gun. However, I can't remember one single dream where the gun was fully functional. It either ends up being a toy, or a laughable BB-Gun, or there is no ammunition to be found.

Now, an expert dream-figure-outer might say this means I don't think, somewhere deep-down, that I have "what it takes." Well... I don't have a lot of self confidence sometimes...so sure...but I hope I can get that worked out soon because I could sure use the help dream-side.

Last nights situation:
Nathanael < Zombies

It is getting... Official.

2008-09-17T18:37:00.006-04:00

As you may or may not know, I have an official ship date of January 13th. I went today to sign my contract. I didn't end up signing it yet because they had to redo my entry rank, instead of going in as an E-1, I will be going in as an E-3 due to my college credits.

However I did find out that my field will be Electronics (as my Father before me.) Right now my two top picks are Space Systems Operations, and F-15 Avionics (soon to be F-22/F-35)

That is all.

The infinite Justice of G-d!

2008-09-03T21:21:00.003-04:00

For a while I didn't know who to vote for...I don't like either of the main misters voices enough to want to listen to them for the next (X) years.

Well, I believe now that G-d sent the Hurricane to interrupt the Republican National Convention as a sign not to vote for John McCain.

Plus with Obama's announcement of Joe Bidden!!!! He wants to work on the passenger rail system of our great nation!

Friendly Arctic Music Newsic

2008-08-27T22:01:00.002-04:00

Brendan's album just got reviewed on Indie Vision Music.

For those that don't know, Brendan is my brother. He is on our record label Friendly Arctic Music.

Homeschool Uniform 1.0

2008-08-22T17:56:00.002-04:00

Oh yeh, we dig it.

Oohhhh Haadaaasaaaah....

2008-08-12T22:01:00.001-04:00

The Fretting may now discontinue...

2008-08-11T17:02:00.003-04:00

And for all of you who thought I was just throwing a fit....HA!

I am officially no longer a civilian. For the next four years the Air Force will give me a chance to pay the government back a little for all the free food they have supplied us with.

I will now be checking to make sure that all of our friends and families are flying 'ole Glory... gloriously.

Gaaaawwwwd Bleese Thar EwwwwwEeeeeesssssAAAyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Of Miracles and Mermaids

2008-07-19T09:20:00.003-04:00

Ivy and Ari were taking a bath. Ivy was floating on her back with her eyes closed kicking her legs.

(Father) "Are you a mermaid?"
(Daughter) "I'm not a mermaid. I don't have red hair...or a fin. I got knees... I have to break my knees off... Jesus has to break my knees off and put a fin there. Or maybe... I can grow. My feet will grow big, Big BIG!!! and that's how I get a fin to be a mermaid."

The faster red, the slower blue.

2008-07-08T10:13:00.003-04:00

If only to be allow my future-self to revisit this tumultuous time, sans embedded chaos...

Things are progressing with the Air Force adventure...I considered briefly pursuing SERE training but decided that while the actual concepts and environments of the job would be blissful, the "type" of people involved would probably not be very... compatible with my "personality" &c.

I am enjoying eating meat again.

I am suddenly wanting to drink mountain dew.

I am not really into "discovering new music" or keeping up with all that jazz...but I am REALLY digging Nellie McKay. She kind of reminds me of Ginger Rogers... Also, even though she is apparently fairly covered by the much beloved NPR, I did not hear about here from there...so mind your own business.

I am also a little upset that Ivy has just not grasped onto how important it is to keep your side arm well maintained at ALL times...

Happy Birthday Mr. Eastwood

2008-05-31T12:26:00.002-04:00

I am perhaps a bit late in the game...

2008-05-22T15:21:00.001-04:00

I am enlisting in the Air Force.
So please vote for a president that will not send me to Africa/Asia.
I am still allowed to say that I think.

The good life...

2008-05-08T23:30:00.005-04:00

Folks, I occasionally get a deep, sinister...grin... inside of me. Just such an occasion has occasioned.

Star Trek. A new Star Trek film is on its way...May of 2009. And....

Simon Pegg is playing a young scotty.

I praise thee Lord for thy benevolent grace and sympathy towards an otherwise dull pop culture.

Yes sir. shake shake smile

2008-05-05T21:28:00.001-04:00

I just bought some fancy new socks and tomorrow I go to get a brand new job. *pff*

Hell yes.

2008-05-01T21:32:00.002-04:00

Most things are worthless...

Yet.... some things..... I need.

Ok ok, whatever...

2008-04-25T19:08:00.002-04:00

sorry about that.

Eisley...

2008-04-21T12:40:00.003-04:00

Come Clean.

I once spent a year growing up with these people. Watching home videos of them as diapered daughters and son. And drawing, and drinking coffee, and being amongst a loud/calm large family. A long time ago.

At least the orange was thinner...

2008-04-20T22:46:00.001-04:00

My knees are on fire.
And true, there was a blackpowder runner.

Good Morning Walky Feet

2008-04-10T16:30:00.003-04:00

I walked the ten-mile trip to school today, this time leaving a little bit earlier at 6:00am. Nothing quite as dramatic as an owl bombardment this time...

Walking from dark till dawn is a wonder. Certainly, before the sun his made his move there are birds signaling that the time is at hand, and the closer it gets, a sort of peacfull frantic occurs from the mouths of all these birds. It is as if they were doing their best to entice the sun to awaken this morning, and to a great victory, the sun rose in vibrant color.

The trip home was somewhat disenchanted as I detected the beginnings of blisters on my feet. It was also at this time that I realized the many people I passed on the walkway were there for an intent strictly physical. Their shiny enhancing clothes and shoes were a stark contrast to my clumsily put together disintegrating garments. And all the more joy from it.

We finally moved in...

2008-04-06T17:21:00.001-04:00

Thats right...We live in Tennessee

The Walking Begins...

2008-03-31T15:59:00.004-04:00

Apparently I did not consume a proper ration of coffee this morning at 6:47 to ensure that I be fully alert. Because at approximately 6:49 I was nearly knocked down by an owl. Or rather, it seemed that way to my under-coffeed self.

The sun was yet up, and I was crossing a bridge over the creek by our house on my way to school (by foot) when a large object rushed past me not more than 5 feet away and alighted on a large tree directly to the right of me. After a few fractions of a second of jumbled awareness and limbs, I realized that perched in the tree was a large (1 1/2 feet tall) owl.

This was certainly an fantastic beginning to a quest that I have been long thinking about, and too lazy to endeavor, until this morning. It is a 10 mile round trip walk from our house to Cleveland State Community College where I am currently enrolled. There are more direct routes but I chose one that included a wooded trail following a creek and secluded alleys through the "historic district" of Cleveland.

While I am smarting throughout my body, I am very pleased with the experience. I've often read about(and experienced in short) the richer world of a slow walk, as compared to the speedy blur that is car travel. It is true, not only did I have plenty of time to awaken my mind and body before I plunged into study, but all around were things to been seen, the owl, abundant birds, people yelling at dogs, turtles, &c.

On my way home my mind began to relish its current purity and started considering all of the delightful amendments it aught to make to the pursuit of walking. Such is my foolishness, once I obtain something good, I set right about with disconnected want.

"I should get some nice walking shoes, I should get a good pack that won't rip open and strain my back so, I should get some proper walking pants and bloomers, I should get, buy, need, want, get.

I managed to fend off these thoughts and took joy again in the idea of wearing out my current collection of suitable pants, shoes, pack, in the spirit of Thoreau.

This is all a bit jumbled and I will save some of the other things to talk about for later walks.

Well, quite frankly...

2008-03-23T17:57:00.007-04:00

It's Easter. Or in proper un-pagan language...

Today is the day we celebrate Yeshua the Christ, not just being a sacrifice... but being G-d also...and rising...

Today is also a day that I remembered a few things.

1. Having a family (wife, daughter, son) is worth everything.
2. G-d gave this life to me...and today... I remembered that I am thankful for that.
3. I also remembered that no matter how refined I or those around me become...I still really want to take a big sword and go run down some English dogs with an ever pleasant draft wifting up my kilt.

The Earth is Waiting...

2008-03-21T15:28:00.003-04:00

For our hands... It told me this morning that its ok with making food for us this year. That is good news.

Return to the Arctic...

2008-03-05T21:30:00.007-05:00

I am feeling immensely inspired... Our record label was inspired by a book from the 1920's called "The Friendly Arctic" in which an arctic explorer named Vilhjalmur Stefansson tells of finding beauty and life in a place that many think of as dead and desolate.

Beauty and life in the dead and desolate.

Let us explore again...

The Concluding Prayer of the Church

2008-02-27T19:01:00.003-05:00

Heavenly Father, in you I live and move and have my being; I humbly pray to you to guide and govern me by your Holy Spirit, that in all the cares and occupations of my life I may not forget you, but may remember that I am ever walking in your sight; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

Beef Recall

2008-02-22T10:12:00.001-05:00

Ok. I PROMISE not to become a "crazy" animal rights guy.

However, in light of my previous post on my new ideas on food, I find it interesting that the largest beef recall in US history has just taken place.

The recall of 143 million pounds of beef was not prompted by tainted meat making people sick (as most meat recalls are), but rather by a video that the Humane Society recently made available.

For Those Interested in Local Food

2008-02-20T13:07:00.001-05:00

Go ahead, click on that...type in your zip code...and MAGICAL! Find local food for your belly...to be happy.

Joy from XKCD

2008-02-20T11:50:00.001-05:00

Goodbye Meat (sort of)

2008-02-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

I have made a very dramatic decision. I am going to become a "social vegetarian." I just made that up. I never thought I would come to this...I even secretly resented "vegetarians" and their foolishness for abstain from the trancendant delights of meat.

Until last night.

I was driving our family to house church and saw a cat in the middle of the road. It had one leg raised into the air, swinging around, reaching. It had been hit and was writhing around in the middle of the street. It almost made me sick right there. I was at first horrified at the sight. And then I become intensely angry at myself for not showing mercy to the animal...I was too cowardly. What struck me most about this was how unnecessary it was. We don't NEED to drive around in our cars killing animals. We don't NEED to. Humans might be dying from just our need for gas...but I'm not sure of that. I do know that many people die each year from car accidents...it's not necessary.

So what the heck does this have to do with eating meat? Well...like I said, I was mad...my first instinct was to say something crazy like "we aren't going to own a car anymore!" which would have been...crazy. (Maybe some day.) What did grow from this was the intense sorrow I felt for that animal...one of God's creatures...that didn't NEED to die. Well...I do know that our consumption of meat results in an incredibly unnecessary waste of animal well being and life. I don't doubt that the meat on sale in the grocery store is the end of that gruesome trail. I couldn't bring myself to take responsibility for that cat's life. I can take responsibility for what I eat. It's very simple.

I later went back with a shovel and a box... cleaned the cat (who had by then been hit several more times) off the street and dumped him off a bridge into the river.

I decided that from now on, if I don't KNOW where the meat came from, KNOW that the animals had decent lives...lived well (for animals), and know that the people who raised and killed them actually cared a little for them... I won't eat it. That means for convenience sake, I will probably now just tell people I am vegetarian...

I will still eat meat, if I can take the responsibility to enter into that relationship with the animals and farmers...

By the way, I'm not saying that I think this is for everybody...I wish it where, but thats too big for me... I am not holding the rest of my family to this code...it is my own personal choice.

"Let me on your shoulders"

2008-02-16T12:18:00.000-05:00

Our Lord lets us play.

The move to Ohio and why it is not.

2008-02-11T11:43:00.000-05:00

For those of you interested/concerned... plans have changed (no doubt this was expected by many) and we will not be moving to Ohio this May. In the end it was a decision made in the best interest for my family.

A transparent look at motivation and life:

When I graduated high school in 2001 I did not go to university. I was bothered by the idea that you pretty much HAD to go to school in order to get a good job...get in debt to get out of debt etc.

Well... Last year, with a wife, a daughter, and a son on the way, I quit my luxurious job as assembly line worker in a Maytag Factory. I was inspired by reading Henry David Thoreau's WALDEN to go to school and get a degree in Biology.

Giving up a job (as bad as it was) meant that we no longer had health care. Thankfully in Tennessee they have a very good health care system (welfare?) We are able to get health care for our whole family through the state, as well as food stamps (which we also needed.) We are currently living primarily off of grants and loans as I make my way through school.

I certainly never expected to be on welfare, and it is VERY humiliating from time to time. I COULD work full time and go to school full time, but I would do very poorly, and would not have a family life at all. So for the time being I am grateful for the programs that are available.

The decision to not move to Ohio came from many various reasons, but they main being that Ohio does not have a comparable health care program and we would lose health insurance for our family.

We certainly regret not being close to family and old friends, but hope that we can still maintain our relationships. (We will make periodic trips to Ohio for family/friends visits, and certainly all you "busy" people can come and visit us.)

Our current plan is to stay here in Tennessee. In the next year I will be transferring to UTC where I will obtain a bachelors in Biology, and then a Masters in Environmental Science. We are open to the Lord giving us a new way, but as it is, our course is set.

-Nathanael Johnson and Family

Poly-ticks

2008-02-06T12:25:00.000-05:00

If it really ends up being between Clinton and McCain....

We will not be staying in Tennessee.
We will not be moving to Ohio.
Or South Carolina.

We will be moving to Norway...where they have abundant geothermal energy and free college.

Wait a minute...why are we staying?

There is tale of a thunderstorm near

2008-02-05T15:37:00.000-05:00

And I am drinking espresso and working math. This is good.

Cradle to Cradle

2008-02-01T07:52:00.000-05:00

I have just finished reading William McDonough & Michael Braungart book entitled "Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way We Make Things" It's been a very fresh take on "environmentalism" and "sustainable" method. It resonates strongly to the notion of integrity and doing things right. I have a notion of "living within ones means" that I feel very strongly about and will be writing on the in the near future.

Here are some of the ideas...

Library Expansion

2008-01-19T11:02:00.000-05:00

The money that I received for Christmas has been put towards an expansion of my library. The following books are awaiting my eager reading:

Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the way we make things
The Post-Petroleum Survival Guide and Cookbook
Clean House, Clean Planet: Cleaning the safe and nontoxic way
Jesus of Nazareth
The Divine Hours: Pocket Edition

Ivy is a robot.

2008-01-17T11:17:00.001-05:00

Ivy drew this while I wasn't looking. For the record, she was not instructed to add body parts, or as to their location.

She said "look daddy, it's ari. He looks kind of like a penguin doesn't he?"

"Yes Ivy, your nautical/arctic knowledge makes me proud."