Philosophical Skepticism teaches us that we can be sure of nothing. Not even that. But my human experience has led me to rest on one surety; Truth. Behind everything there seems to be a root Truth. Everything depends on it. Take any thought experiment, or experiment experiment back far enough and we shall find Truth. But perhaps it's more like infinity; we can never reach it, but we can get closer.
The error that so many ex-Christians make, so many militant atheists, is that because it "seems" wrong, or because they don't "like" it, or because "that G-d is an asshole", they simply write it off. But they forget about Truth. Regardless of our thoughts on the matter, "the Truth is out there." We are foolish who do the calculations, and proclaim the sum to be “unreasonable, and therefore false.” Truth is belligerent. It does not rely on our belief. It Is (I Am). Even if our understanding of it evolves, and will never hit it exactly center, shouldn't we endeavour to run towards it? To wrestle with it? To shake our fists at it?
Often times the compulsion for me probably comes from sheer stubbornness. I am given little proof, or rather, I am aware of little proof, to persist in my belief.
On my morning walk I was moving through this. It occurred to me that the desire to doubt fully, to question to a conclusion, seemed to come from "somewhere". And for this morning, that was the voice of G-d. Even taunting me "Seek and ye shall find." I don't depend so much on the promises of finding something anymore. I breathe only for the seeking.
There is a Truth, and how ever terrifying It may be, I choose to run towards It.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner.
3 comments:
I come from the flip side of the same coin.
While I foundationally believe that Truth is at the root of everything, my experience has shown me the opposite to be true.
Back when I was deeply immersed in Christianity, the truth of a lack of "God'" kept poking through the veil of my psyche. When a faith is based on textual reference and that reference has glaring contradictions, one can easily assess that that text is ultimately flawed. One can argue that one's faith is not bound by the text, however, in actuality there is no source for the faith outside of the dogmatic interpretation the text. I would also add that if any other nonfiction literature had as many substantial flaws as the Bible, it would ultimately be denounced of all legitimacy and be scourned as fantasy.
The hierarchical arguments of God's will and perfection are flawed as well, considering the Bible specifically states characteristics of jealousy, rage, and other qualities of irrationality. It's essentially the equivalent of putting your whole life into the hands of an egotistical manaic because you were told you'd be set after you died, as long as you go along with everything that maniac says to do now. It is very easy to detach oneself from this comparison because we are no longer engulfed in a society that participates in obvious crusades or mass genocide of combative nations. However the evidence of God's long history is quite bloody. What is even more evident of the truth about "God", is the glaring use of a higher deity's eventual judgement to control and manipulate the actions of the conscientiously unsure and the mentally feable. There are many face value advantages to being part of a religion however, which are undeniably understandable. Community, moral reassurance, and tax exemption all come to mind.
My point is, the more I searched for the truth of God's existence, the more truth of the contrary became apparent. Maybe God gets a bad rep from all of humanities flaws, but I feel there has to be some accountability even on a spiritual level.
"The truth will set you free."
My freedom comes from knowing that I am just energy, uniquely compiled to harbor thoughts and feelings, and knowing in my death, I will disperse my energy into the "earth", probably never contributing anything substantial to the vast expanse of the universe, and that is okay. Knowing my life is equivalent to less than a molecule in a drop of water in the galactic pond has given me the greatest peace and the freedom to fulfill my own desires and pursuits. This is a very compromising understanding to those who wish to control and subdue power which explains the desire to control and subdue such ideas.
I am moot. I am nothing. I will accomplish everything and nothing at the same time. I am not important.
When you realize this truth, and see it is as universally true for everyone, that gives you, albeit limited, great power.
“..the truth of a lack of “God” kept poking through the veil of my psyche.” I would replace the word “truth” with suspicion, and then I can agree. I am oft concerned by the feeling that “there is no god.” But I have found the same doubt on the converse side. When I consider the possibility that G-d is a construction of our own, I am still suspicious. I would be interested in hearing a solid argument for the absence of G-d. I have never heard one that was less silly than a full blown “blind faith.”
“God’s will and perfection are flawed…” This is easily answered. There are many ideas on the character of G-d that are poorly captured linguistically. His “goodness”, His “love” etc...when we hear these words we make assumptions on what they mean, largely based on our “judeo-christian” background… “How can G-d be love when He obliterates whole people groups (from scripture) etc?!” If we put G-d where He seems to want to be, the Whole Thing behind everything… and He defines Himself as “love” then whatever He does is love. It may be uncomfortable, and not fit our definition. All that comes from a distinction of authority.
Let’s follow the assumption that G-d is an “egotistical maniac” and we would be better off after we die. G-d is an angry bastard with some seriously disturbing needs for validation. Ok. What then? If you knew (I don’t believe we can KNOW) this to be true, do you turn away because you think it superior? I don’t happen to believe He is all that fully bad (there is much about Him I DO find troubling though)...I don’t know what I would do, but I don’t believe that everybody who talks about Him being an asshole would so brazenly stand up to a fearsome god, however crazy he was.
“...the more truth of the contrary became apparent.” What truth, or evidence did you find?
Good thoughts. Part of my point in that piece is a consistent theme I blab about; Bullshit! Perhaps I have never had enough time to hear it out fully, but I’ve never heard a good argument against the existence of G-d. Everything everyone says (on both sides) is full of arrogant fallacy. Excepting of course, my own points. Which are spot on.
I open to hearing more.
I like your early analogy of trying to arrive at a sensible "sum" through human "calculations". I am an engineer by trade and my quest for truth has oftentimes begun in engineering fashion: with a logical formula - but one of my own concoction. It always yields unexpected results. Even now, in saying that I realize I do have an anticipated end result when entering the data into my spiritual calculator. And when I don't see it I am frustrated and disillusioned. I have come to believe that most of our "seeking", in its multifaceted expressions (logical, emotional, self deprecational, etc.) usually results in a momentary answer equivalent to "zero", the sum pausing just long enough to be seen, but finally overwritten with a persistent and loving Truth.
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