Happy What-a-days?!

Greetings, seasonal of course. It has been a while since I've been a tad on the preachy side (for whom is thar to preachen to?)

My Christmas spirit is still pretty high, despite being flogged repeatedly by sassy assaults from camp Christmas and camp devil. We all, I am sure, are aware of the sinister plot by mr. devil to usurp the Christ himself from this time of year. Honestly, I don't think Christ would mind very much, given the holidays origins...but that is something completely different. Lets just say, that 2,010 years ago Jesus was born on a blustery day in Bethlehem, on the twenty fifth of December. Now, it is certainly a sacred holiday worth keeping, if you believe in Jesus and G-d and all that. Tell me this, if the point of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our Lord, does it really matter if popular culture does not cheerfully ride along, since they, generally, don't on any other points Christian. I actually find it offensive that Christians get so upset about "taking the Christ out of Christmas."

Now to the general spirit of it all. I love Christmas. I love the winter, I love the warmth necessary. I love the traditions surrounding Christmas, the lights, the trees, the decorations, the warm beverages and delicious baked goods, the demand for family time and general friendliness. It's good for us. And I do personally love sacred holidays which present the scheduled opportunity to slow down and reflect.

I wish that Christians would spend more time practicing these traditions, that is, generally being Christian, and less time sporting smug 'n sassy vigilante bumper stickers... I am pretty sure that Hillary Clinton, George Bush,Santa Clause, and Jesus have an appointment to share a glass of eggnog, lets join them shall we?

Ache in the wondering-want heart.

In 1909, Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton, of Endurance fame, left two cases of Scotch under the floor boards of one of his base camp shacks.

In 2006 these cases were discovered, frozen solid into the the ice and snow.

Currently, the company who originally crafted the Scotch is trying to get rights to retrieve several of the bottles, take samples, and recreate the Scotch that never got to keep Shackleton and his men in good (if not ill placed) cheer. How wonderful is this?

Moon Bean

Hello.

Please, watch this movie.

Hi. There are a few things in life that bring great joy. My family. The Sea. The splendor of G-d's Earth.

And above all, the spirit of G-d apparent. Mewithoutyou has been a special evidence of this in my life...and their latest music video proves more of the same...it makes me want to hug all of the people in my life that I love.

Terrible Dullary or just the bogg of time...

Hello. I (quite apart from my siblings) have nothing interesting to report. Perhaps it is the never ending onslaught of days that has dulled my ability to cut out moments from the day that seem interesting. Or perhaps nothing at all interesting is happening to me. That is all.

Oh, East, I thought you said WEEST

Almost one month left, and then off to the Eastern Coast. What a crazy life this is.

Are Children important?

Letter from Ivy.

Ivy dictated a letter that I got in the mail the other day.

Dear Daddy,
I love you. I want to kiss you all over. Dear Daddy. Thank you. Oh Daddy, I wish I could see you all the time. Love Daddy. I wish I could snuggle you all day long. I wish I could kiss you all day. Love Daddy. And now I want to snuggle with you and mommy and Ari and Emily and mommy. I wish I could live on the same Earth. I wish I could live on the same planet. I wish I could live on the same city. I wish I could be an adult with, because that is what you are. When am I going to see you? When will I... Where are you? I wish something could make you come to me. What is wrong with you? I wish I could march with you all day. I want to give you everything that is beautiful. Love Daddy. I love you. Ari Michael is my little brother. Who lives in South Carolina? At camp I went to class and learned ...

'My God is so Big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do. The mountains are His, the valleys are His, The stars are His handy work too.'

Dear Jesus, I wish I could see daddy. Can I please live with him, can you make me a mermaid with him? Dear Jesus, Amen. Love, Ivy.

So the slow....

Yesterday it was 108. Pruff.

And I think to myself...what a wonderful world!

Perhaps it is because I've been away from my family for six months...but I weep easy these days. I was just looking over some old pictures of our family and did the afore mentioned.

When I see my children, and how they grow, I weep at G-d's crazy grace.
When I smell the summer heat, I've learned to settle down thank Him for life.
When I notice the birds (they ever faithful)I weep for joy at the expanse of His Earth.
When I look at my wife I know in the closest way His Great Faithfulness.

I'm just a little cell, but what an honor I have to be able take part in the great stream of life.

Attention: The future is here now.

Does anybody remember a really sweet (at least it was really sweet when I was 14) movie called The Net? Well, it's about how technology, more speciffically, the interNET is so intertwined that somebodies (Saundra Bullock's) identity could be entirely erased....or something. Anyway, in the begining of the movie it shows the heroine ordering a pizza on the internet.

Ah-hem.

Emily and I order TWO pizzas on the internet last night. It was amazing. As soon as I sent it in, it told me that some girl named Casandra had started hand tossing our pizza.

So, in case you were wondering when it would get here, Emily and I just ushered in the future.

In reference to the previous...

Thank you for the encouragments. Im glad that I am real.

When I was young, I used to be terrified that I was a robot from space, and that some preset date, I would "switch over" from being Nathanael Ben David to killer robot boy from space and...yes...slay my family. Eh-hem...as severely disturbing as this probably is...I think it was from watching Star Trek so much...

Don't worry mom and dad, even though my young brain was tormented by this paranoia...I think the "benefits" watching star trek as a young child has given me far outweighs the "issues"

And that preset date is far expired so nobody needs to worry.

Boy, I'm glad I turned out real, even if its depressing sometimes.

A bit of moody.

Have I mentioned before that I probably have a "seasonal mood structure"? I think it MIGHT run in the family...but there it is... with a cyclical precision that I have yet to chart, I get...moody.

The last couple of days have been such. I think I might be justified in feeling this way a little bit. It has been 6 months since I lived with my family, and 2.5 to go. I woke up alone last night and stared at my uniforms in my closet, at the rank insignia on my sleeves, wondering what I was doing so far away from my beloved family. It's obvious on a logical (yet bizarrely illogical) level what I am doing, taking care of my family the best way I know how. This time is almost over, but that doesn't change the mood.

I just plain miss my family. I get to see Emily for nice four day weekend this weekend. But even this strikes me as somewhat insane...how much effort (baby sitters, plane tickets, hotels, waivers for staying out of my dorm etc etc) it takes just to see my own wife for a couple of days. It can just be very...strange. I sometimes start to get sick to my stomach like I'm stuck in a terrible dream.

And the happy ending. I'm not "in the depths of despair" for certain, that would be just plain pagan of me...

For crying out loud, try your best not to take love and comfort for granted.

Daily

Its a good morning. I have been without a room mate for a week now...it's been a blessing not having a stinky-rap music lovin-messyface person living with me...I suppose there is no way to make it the next few months this way...but its been nice.

Last night I finally rigged a blanket to cover the entire window making my room a virtual-night in the middle of day...because that's when I am supposed to sleep...in the middle of the day.

I was able to write a couple letters I've been putting off. Of course, there a few more that I might be able to write...if a certain sister, who is younger than me, and with child, would resume her writing to her poor/cut-off brother.

And, so far, as I said, it's a nice day...getting hot, but with a steady breeze. Please G-d, poor your blessings on my air conditioner and give it "extra cooling power"...in your Wisdom of course. Amen.

Thrill us.

Michael Jackson died.

CNN and FOX news have been blasting this to the exclusion of all other news. As if nothing else in the world was happening, or everything that is usually reported was just filling time until something important happened...like the death of the King of Pop. Never mine the revolution in Iran, or the pending war with youngest-brat-child North Korea.

At first I was disgusted at the amount of emotion Michael Jackson death was causing people who didn't even know him. But then I remembered that I was saddened (granted, not to tears) by the death of Paul Newman. I tried to justify it, "Paul Newman stood for something, he was a Man." But that's an equal argument to any that could be offered up for reasons why the death of Mr. Jackson should cause such a commotion.

So are we that sad that somebody died? Not really, you see, Michael Jackson died, but so did 25,000 (source: UN World Food Programme) people from hunger alone. That happens everyday, and we don't feel sad everyday. So it can't be we are sad that somebody died, maybe we just are sad that we don't have the comfort of knowing that, if we wanted, we can wonder what exactly Michael Jackson is doing...right now!

I think it's actually part of the discovery that something is not right. Death of loved ones is crushing, but we all know it's coming. Death of stars and world leaders is unerving, everyone dies...and we don't like that. And we are right not to like it...nobody is supposed to die. That's not the way it was supposed to happen. But we like comfort, and it's comforting to have celebrities, perhaps, it is also comforting to get upset when they die.

Michael Jackson died.
So did 25,000 mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters.

Oh yeh, and Farrah Fawcett did too.

Curiousi

Well, here is the deal. Mid-September I will be done with Tech School and moving to Charleston SC to work on a large transport/carrier called the C-17 Globemaster III.



What do I mean "work on"? I will be troubleshooting and replacing communication and navigation systems. I am still enjoying the whole experience, and find it strange to be learning something that I am actually going to use...it's a good feeling.

It will be nice to live on the ocean, and within a few hours of my parents. There is one Whole Foods there so that's a start at least. I am very excited to be done with this portion of my training and get to live at home with my family for the first time in 8 months.

All I can say is, It's a wonderful Life.

The small way

I am nearer. Nearer, that is, to being a fool. It's a struggle I have always had. But these past few months have given me a kind of strength, and while the natural way (old way) drifts towards a selfish-glory strength, the spirit calls me to a humble-servant strength.

I'm still not sure where the great divide from thought to deed came from. Much of my life has been spent in recoil to the "Christian way." That is, I have taken some effort, at various times, to not "appear 'Christian'" Whatever that means. Even to the point of being ashamed of the physical presence of the Bible. I didn't like "easy indicators" of religion, things that people could look at and identify me as a "Christian."

"They should know the Love of G-d through my life." Said I.


I'm thinking, for me, that was mostly the deception of the devil.

So I am quite close to being a fool for me Lord. I think it is necessary for me to stand out in the faith, for it is too easy to hide everything away. I am certainly not speaking of being obnoxious, but I am speaking of not worrying if I am obnoxious or not. G-d has made for me a beautiful life of joy, and He calls me. I really want to answer.

My beautiful Wife.

Emily is here in sunny Texas. Yesterday we went to see X-men Origins where wolverine made me very jealous as a mighty strong lumberjack.

Unfortunately she has come down with a bit of a cold, but we are still having a nice time together.

Of recent.

Here I am on the last leg of tech training. About 4 more months. Hopefully within the next 2 weeks I will receive my orders to our station, wherever that might be. My school schedule is a wonderful midnight shift...which means I wake up about 9:30pm, get showered, eat, got to school, and get back to my dorm about 9am the next day. So far it hasn't been so bad. The biggest problem is that this means it is not very practical to have Emily and the kids move out here as I would hardly get to see them.

I would appreciate book recommendations as this is basically the only thing I can do in the middle of the night on the weekends while I'm not in school.

All Peace

Emily and Ivy are taking a nap, Ari is wandering around the house alternating between Captian-Hooking everything in site, and slowly bouncing off the walls with blanket over his head.

And I am drinking fresh brewed coffee. How is life? Good.

Pre Air Show

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to be volen-told to work at the Air Show. Basically I had a 12 hour shift directing traffic. The first part they drove myself and one oher guy several blocks off base, dropped us off and said, "keep people from parking on this street, and tell them where to park." Without telling US where they were supposed to park, they drove away. After a while we got things sortd out and the rest of the time was spent telling people they could not park here, which rarely made anybody happy. Aside from the constant stream of grumpy folks, and the occasional sneer from hippies, it wasnt so bad. One young boy came up to me and said "when I grow up I am going to be a soldier!"

Which instantly made me start tearing up. I think part of it was that it's a strange exprience to be looked up to like that. It also struck me as a somewhat depressing thought. But at the same time, in some way, at some point, I think that is the dream of most young boys. I think that violent ember is a beautiful thing. It should be encouraged as an element, and directed towards purpose (not specifically physical violence, but rather, a violent momentum.)

Anyway. Taking the kids to the airshow today. Perhaps some pictures are in order.

Yet more military....

I was able to go out with Emily for a little while today for coffee while Amy watched over the children. In my current phase at tech school if I go off base I have to wear my service dress uniform. This presents me with a rather humbling/awkward situation. When you are in uniform everybody notices. And I notice them notice. It is not that everybody tries to show they notice, but it is easy to see their internal reactions to the sight of a military uniform. Some feel proud, some feel guilty, some feel jealous, some feel superior, some feel pity. Above all of this, some actually approach me and offer a hand shake and some sort of "thank you for your service" remark. In fact, I have yet to go out in public in uniform and not get thank several times.

If people are not randomly coming up to you and thanking you for something, there is no way for you to really get what this might feel like. I have yet to really get a handle on how I even feel about this whole dynamic, as I am still working through and learning how to feel patriotic myself. But I can say that it is incredibly humbling as well as a source for a strange and awkward strength and pride.

This is learning.

What world is that?

Tomorrow I am done with a week of in processing and start my electronics courses... I am very excited to learn specifics...

An interesting military story that won't mean mch to anybody that is or has not been in the military.

Yesterday I took a walk with Emily and the kids around base. Tech school is divided up into phases, each phase removing restrictions from the previous phases...As I just started I am in phase 1. One of the restrictions is that I cannot ride in cars. So we walked to the marina which .a very long walk indeed. As we started back from the marina a car slowed down and asked if we wanted a ride. Being the good little airman that I am, trying to remember all the rules, informed the gentleman that I could not ride in the car but that I would appreciate him giving a ride to my family. He said "you can ride with me" and proceeded to pull a u-turn in the middle of the road. He pulled to stop and said "climb in" I said, I'm in tech school sir and am not allowed to ride in cars yet" He said, "I am the vice wing commander and I say you can ride in my car." I am so taken aback that I completely forget to salute and offer simply "thank you very much sir." We pile Emily and Ari in the front seat, myself and Ivy in the back seat next to his daughter of about 7-8 and what later turns out to be the daughter on my squadron commander. He was very nice and never addressed my complete lack of what is known as "military bearing". He promised that he wouldn't tell my commander that I broke the rules.

KAFB

I am now at Tech School. What a far cry from basic training...I live in what is basically a two bed hotel room, which is absurd compared to my previous 50 bed living arangement. Emily should be ariving today with the kids. I don't have anymore time for you...so bye.

8.5 Weeks, Or: How beautiful is the Love of G-d

Basic training is over, and I have yet to fully get a hold of that fact. Tonight I leave for Tech School for about 6 months. I am somewhat dazed by the transition from the past two months to a slightly more "normal-real-life." I am overwhelmed by how much the Lord has given to me. An incredible group of friends who helped make this easier for my family. An even more incredible family who extended themselves to provide a place for my family to stay while I was away, and who certainly poured out spiritual support as well. Life is Beautiful.

And my final thoughts are....

What the.

Blur

Yesterday Hadssah and Andy came to pick up the children. They are taking them this last week so that Emily and I are able to finish packing in peace and hopefully have a little time to hang out.

This morning I awoke. It was raining. So I took an abbreviated jog.

The children have gone, and it's still raining, and I am drinking chamomile tea.

And I have hope.

Thanks for that.

Today we need to make certified copies of all our crucial records to hand over to Uncle/Big Brother Sam.

Thanks Hadassah and Andy, and others, that are helping with the kids.

Getting un-ready.

So I have one week left and then off to basic training...I figure I will chronicle this last week a little bit since I never really do that anymore. I actually find the concept of blogging more of a personal project for me as it is always inspiring, amusing, and challenging to look back at things I have said etc.

Everything is crazy.

I feel much as in a dream...the temptation to dive into the nutsiness is thwarted by the fear of puking. I think I am pretty excited but also nervous. I have no idea what I am nervous about.

And that, is a lie.

I am a dreamer. A thinker. An idea maker. A lazy critic.

Here, in one week, I will be doing. All ideas are naught, and action will be my breath. I am terrified mostly out of habit. Not doing much creates a lot of fear of doing something. I am two. My dysfunctional body, and my detached self. My body is nervous, I will mess up and I will shake (I shake even now) and I will blush and I might puke. I will slur my words, and they will sound, as they do these days, as if they are an effort, and I don't want them heard. I will quake and my mind will be blank...my body mind, not my self mind.

My self mind will be standing aside, above...watching. Critic. You silly man, like all the rest, afraid. You silly little uncontrolled man.

I love. And what I will do is for love. I will be shattered, and hooray for that. I will be able to move better for love.

I have given up control. I am most afraid that I will forget that I have not given that control over to just the Government, but to my G-d also. My lovely Lord. Oh God! Please be my. Please be. With me. I don't want to forget you. I want to remember you better.

I will forget. And what rushing terror of love will be the time I remember again. I am a little child. I grow to nothing. The beauty only springs. The stories I have cried grow into your picture. I will be alone but for you. Let me not take the easy way and disappear. Remind me. Make me humble. Make me ready. The way is as important as the goal. Make me remember. Protect my family.

Protect my love.

I love. Silly little love. Great everything love. Blind me.