Have I mentioned before that I probably have a "seasonal mood structure"? I think it MIGHT run in the family...but there it is... with a cyclical precision that I have yet to chart, I get...moody.
The last couple of days have been such. I think I might be justified in feeling this way a little bit. It has been 6 months since I lived with my family, and 2.5 to go. I woke up alone last night and stared at my uniforms in my closet, at the rank insignia on my sleeves, wondering what I was doing so far away from my beloved family. It's obvious on a logical (yet bizarrely illogical) level what I am doing, taking care of my family the best way I know how. This time is almost over, but that doesn't change the mood.
I just plain miss my family. I get to see Emily for nice four day weekend this weekend. But even this strikes me as somewhat insane...how much effort (baby sitters, plane tickets, hotels, waivers for staying out of my dorm etc etc) it takes just to see my own wife for a couple of days. It can just be very...strange. I sometimes start to get sick to my stomach like I'm stuck in a terrible dream.
And the happy ending. I'm not "in the depths of despair" for certain, that would be just plain pagan of me...
For crying out loud, try your best not to take love and comfort for granted.
4 comments:
Even if you can not hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear.
You are my love. I am so thankful for the sacrifice you have made for me and our children. This time will soon be over, and we will be able to live under one roof again. You will be able to snuggle your children into bed and still be there when they wake in the morning. We will be able to embrace each other when you get home from a long work day. Our family will be able to spend weekends together without fear of curfews or restrictions.
Soon.
The children look forward to the day. I look forward to the day.
We love you.
Well I may or may not be a bit weepy from reading Emily's love note... but weepy-ness seems to be my lot in life lately.
Anyway - glad you haven't suck into the depths of despair... it's a bit tricky not to end up there when going through one of the "moody" times (which are DEFINITELY a family thing).
Most of our lives is very surreal, if we really think about it... just sometimes it's a bit more clear, and a bit more sad. I like to think that maybe in these times we're just acutely aware of what we were intended for, and intensely longing (with all creation that moans) for heaven. (not the pearly gates heaven, but the unrestricted communion with God heaven)
Embrace the longing, even if it's a bit sad... it is a reminder of what is within you.
weeping, sadness, longing, these are good things because they remind us that we are still alive, and more importantly, real.
If it is any consolation... I am living in the same weird place - only my spouse is 8 hours away if you fly 600 miles per hour.
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